The Eleventh Commandment

Peter, our very own Wodehouse, treats us to yet another classic rendition of stories from boarding school.

Excerpts from The Eleventh Commandment

The results were out; it was a foregone conclusion that those who did not make it through in the exam would taste wood. Fore armed with the knowledge of events that were about to unfold, our hero set off to the class after spending a wee bit more time in front of the mirror that day. He walks into the classroom as the attendance is called, and once that is done with, the name register goes down on the desk and up come the answer sheets. Time was running out for the hero. Apparently, like all good parents who want to give their children a good start in life; our hero’s parents thought that giving their child a name starting with “A” would put him ahead of all the others in his class. Of course that day, it did put him before everyone else in the class – for a good caning. Unfortunately, but not unusually, our hero was in the list of those who would be punished that day for poor marks. When his name was called out, the hero stands up; walks up to the master and bends forward (thus pushing his bottom cane-ward). The master swings the cane, and as it makes impact, not a whimper is heard from the hero. The master goes at it till he’s huffing and puffing – the hero doesn’t even break a sweat, let alone a tear. The tear would have been a bonus but the master knows the hero’s quota is up and he still has others to punish.

The class eventually ends, the kids leave and the hero makes the long walk back to the box room. He stops in front of the clothesline and pulls down his pants. Off come the trousers, followed by the first underwear, then another and another – it goes on like a magician’s handkerchief. Elsewhere, the master was just closing shop. It had been a tiresome day; the caning had physically drained him. Imagine having to sit down at the end of the class just to catch your breath while your students filed out one by one: well it was that kind of a day. Having shut shop, the master takes the walk back to the hostel. Tiredness puts the master on the shortest route to the hostel (via the clothesline).
Well, well, well…. Whom does he encounter? The hero’s back is towards the master as he’s peeling off the last few underpants. The cheer on the master’s face is back. All the energy that seemed to have drained off his body now has returned with twice the vigour. He waits till the hero is down to the last underwear and then steps up into plain sight. The look on the hero’s face is priceless (almost like a rabbit under the flashlights), and then all hell break loose. This time the tears come a rollin’….. All in a day’s work.

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